our journey
by cowsjumpoverthemoon
Summary: ivy is diagnosed with cancer, this is her journey through cancer with her best friend and boyfriend


22nd april 2012

The art of saying NO is a skill really, you have to be firm and confident, and be proud to speak your opinion. Well at least thats what i thought. It wasn't really until i entered military camp that i realised that the phrase NO came with severe consequences, such things that i will not speak of. It was the start of drill practise, i was fuming with anger, why of all people did i, the person with such expectations from my family especially my father and head of military captain jones, have to be shown as the prime example, the one who knew the most just because of his family tradition.

I was sick of it, i would not have any more of this special attention, i was just like everyone else, no special training, no friends joining me, no clue what was ahead of me yet i was the goodie 2 shoes, the teachers pet as they call me. I was putting my foot down so when the time came that drill sergeant referred to me as the best at the command i said NO, awkward silence broke out until drill sergeant asked me again in firm, demanding words if i said something, i yelled NO firmer and more controlling again. I can tell you now that, this outburst of anger certainly brought all special attention coming my way, flying back to the moon and landing on my fathers desk. That was the end of my days as a well renowned McArthur. From now on people knew me as the young man who stood up, who was confident and stronger enough to say NO

24/5/12

The disease is a killer. It slowly takes your beauty, happiness, integrity and soul ripping and destroying practically anything that your proud of or have accomplished. The day we found out was horrible. Ivy had organised a party to celebrate her new apartment. I had arrived early to help her set up the table that she referred to as a man's domain, she had gone to finished getting dressed when I heard her calling me. The shear sound of her calling my name "Seth, Seth something's wrong" still rings in my ears at night. It wasn't until she called my name the second time that i started to pace faster and faster to her room, my body getting more anxious and nervous trembling with worry about what had happened. When I opened the door i came eye to eye with Ivy, tissues everywhere and a towel held up to her nose, blood covering the towel and the white t-shirt she had started to take off. She told me it happened instantly, she thought it was a normal blood nose, something she got rarely. Even after holding the tip of the bridge of her nose, and leaning her head back it kept going. Taking a second glance for another towel, Ivy started coughing, it was nothing at first but then blood came spitting out of her mouth, more coughs bringing more up, i grabbed a bucket from the utility cupboard and handed to her just in time to make sure her bloody vomit didn't go everywhere. The more her nose bleed and her mouth sputtered blood she became paler within the second. I embraced her as she started to fade away into a daze, nearly fainting, reassuring her that she would be ok. It was then that i decided to call the ambulance. I told them exactly what we had done, how we tried everything but it still kept going, that she was pale and had a fever, her medical history and that she had just recovered from several colds, they told me they'd be 10 minutes and to try and keep her awake . It felt like the world was running circles past us every time the clocked ticked past every minute. I did what I had to do and sent a text message to her best friend Lily, asking her to call the party off as there was an emergency. Ivy shivered with sheer nerves and anxiety her face becoming paler by the minute eyes drooping and sympathetic. In our 18 years of friendship i had never seen her like this. Wrapping a blanket round her, the door knocked with 2 paramedics entering and doing what they did. They rushed in and made me sit behind her cradling her in my arms. They told her to stay awake and sing her favourite song. Fix you by cold play. They placed an oxygen mask at her mouth and placed an IV in her hand hooking her up with some fluids, Hooked up heart monitors etc. They asked me to Carrie her up onto the bed, I placed her limp, nearly boiling body onto the wheeled bed, then briskly grabbing her purse and some belongings and followed the paramedics to the van.

The closest hospital was royal Melbourne. It was there that things started taking a turn for the worse. We arrived doctors, nurses and other medical professionals greeting us in the moment they wheeled her through the emergency doors. They led her to a trauma room. I stood in the corner of the room listening and watching. Watching them take blood, do x-rays, demanding MRI's and CAT scans, examine her body while listening to the paramedics tell the hospital her medical history. There was one thing that stood out to her team of doctors. The bruises on her back and legs. Earlier today she told me that she had found them while moving in and that she probably knocked into something while unpacking. I didn't give a second thought to her answer but now was doing just that. They asked me if I ever abused her in anyway. I replied with the answer that I would never hit a woman and that she didn't have a boyfriend. They were convinced enough from the panic and expression on my face to keep working on Ivy.

Half an hour from when we walked in those doors from the ambulance, they had temporally stopped Ivy's nose from bleeding and had stopped her coughing up blood. They had inserted another IV and hooked up 2 litres of saline and 2 units of blood, that when finished 2 more would go up. They had taken her for an MRI and a CAT scan which we still were waiting for the films. Her face was still pale and her fever spiked even higher. In this time that seemed the best part of the day so far in this emergency, the hospital had a major car crash coming in and they needed the rooms, they had none available at the royal Melbourne hospital, so they decided to move her to the royal children's hospital, immediately.

Upon arrival we were greeted with the same questions and inquiries. One thing that they decided to do differently was to order a lumbar puncture or spinal tap, for this she would have to be transferred to a room as she would be going under anaesthesia, the only available one was on the immediate care ward. The room was nice until the mood changed later on. While paper work and timing were being planned, Ivy decided to sleep while she could, I sat next to her watching her while she slept never leaving her side to nervous for any repercussions. Her eyes locked shut so peacefully never opening until it time for her to go under.

Because ivy suffers from anxiety in high stress conditions. They allowed me to hold her hand until she fell asleep during the operation Ivy arrested 2 times due to a slight heart murmur that had thinned a wall of her heart because her body couldn't cope. She was placed in intensive care for 4 hours due to her heart murmur and a seizure she had while on her way to an MRI. This 4 hours was the time that i called close family and relatives. Ivy's parents and siblings lived in America due to her dads work, she stayed here due to a family fall out, and due to ivy's request I didn't call or inform them. Because of these circumstances ivy's legal guardian is her cousin Bri and her fiancé Tom, I left several messages asking them to come it was an emergency. I called our best friend Jack and Ivy's friend lily explaining what had happened. The first to arrive was jack. He left after an hour having to go back to work, never forgetting to say that he'll come back later and call in the meantime. No one else was able to make it for a while so we awaited their arrival hoping it would bring more happiness. 1 hour later Bri arrived with Tom rushing into the room nervous to find out what had happened. Bri sank into the chair next to the bed and gently caressing ivy's face. 1/2 an hour later. Bri and tom left to gather some of ivy's things and to clean up.

As ivy had puncture wounds (as she called them) in her back, the bed hurt her back, so i sat behind her with a pillow in front of me for her to lean on. I held her hand as we watched re-runs of castle holding her hair back when she felt like vomiting. At this time it was 6:30 pm, TV bright and screeching police sirens coming from the speakers, slowly the door slid open several feet pitter pattering against the Lino floors, 1 hand pulling back the privacy screen. There was 4 of them all of which were doctors, 2 I had spoken to earlier and 2 that looked unfamiliar. There facial expression said it all, disaster, I'm sorry, sadness, disappointment. They said they had good and bad news. The good being they had received all test results from both hospitals and the bad they had figured out what was wrong. The 2 doctors that looked unfamiliar stepped forward and came straight out with it " I'm really sorry but we have confirmed with all test results that ivy has leukaemia, she has acute lymphatic leukaemia otherwise known as ALL, unfortunately it has spread to her spleen and brain, each with a small tumour." at the slight sound of the diagnosis ivy was diagnosed with cancer. From that day forward I vowed to never leave her. Eventually our relationship became something more.

They left after that. Ivy cried, while tears streamed out of my eyes. We both knew what was ahead of us, everyone did. Bri and tom arrived shortly after, we broke the news to them. Emotion and sadness now hanging over their heads as well. They left 2 hours later letting ivy rest. I slept with ivy that night cradling her in my arms, hoping that somehow it would giver her back what she hoped would never be lost. We fell asleep within the hour. Nurses checking on her every 5 hours waking her from her dreams. A reminder that life was going to change. That night i thought about everything, our relationship if it was gonna Reach new limits, Ivy's diagnosis and hwat was gonna happen next, how to break the news, life, my parents and siblings, money. Thinking about this just made me think of more negative things, putting them away, to never think about them again.

Due to the diagnosis we stayed in intensive care last night, woken early by a scheduled biopsy. This would tell us how serious this thing was. The procedure took 20 minutes while this was being done i packed up ivy's stuff and moved to a room in the cancer ward, a barrier or gate between life and reality. She was wheeled in 5 minutes later.

It was 3 hours late when ivy had a break down. She had had enough, her veins hurt, and her body hurt, her mind was filled with thoughts of horrible side effects. Her knight in shining armour wasn't any better, she fell asleep. I slipped out to take a breather, i was crying for something other than a cut and a bruise for the second time in my life, tears streaming down my eyes, looking up i met eye to eye with jack and lily, flowers in their hands, wanting to know the news that doomed over our heads. I told them promptly and fast getting it over and done with, at the single word of cancer, lily eyes became a waterfall streaming with anger and sadness. Jack with his blank expression face pulled me into a hug stopping my tears. We were young, only 18, too much for ivy who was trying to start a new chapter in her life.

We were, met later by our oncologist Dr Hazel Martin thine. We were told about ivy's cancer that it was aggressive and strong, at the end of stage three early stage 4, that this would require lots of rounds of chemo and radiation to shrink the tumour on her brain, bone marrow transplants etc. Due to so many needle etc. The Dr recommended a Hickman line, a thin plastic tube that would run from her heart to arrive poked out of her skin just above her breast underneath her collar bone with 2 lines on the end to make for easy access instead of tedious IVs, That ivy would be staying here for some time so to make the place feel like home. And that finally it would be starting in about 3 days.

Ivy's only response was that she knew she would lose her hair and thank you.

As only close friends and family knew it was kept on the low down. 2 weeks later Ivy's hair starting to thin, and the full effects of her treatment starting, she decided to tell those who didn't yet know. The easiest way was Facebook, because people wanted to know if she was alright after not holding her party and then showing up to uni. This is what I wrote:

" Thank you to all those people who have been kind enough to ask if Ivy was ok after unfortunately not holding her party and not showing up to events and uni. I am so sorry to those that have not yet found out through someone, but it with great sadness that i inform you that Ivy has been diagnosed with early stage 4 ALL Leukaemia, she is currently undergoing treatment at the Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne, thank you so much to those for your kindness and patience. We appreciate every bit of it. Ivy is greatly saddened that she couldn't report better news for you all but we will fight. You are welcome to visit but please call or message. Thank you.

From Ivy, Seth, Brianna and Tom"


End file.
